This is real, apparently. A real screengrab of NASCAR.com taken this morning. Or so says the email I received from IndyCar higher-ups, who say they purchased the ad-space last night. To which I say, you’ve made us all very proud here today, IndyCar. Very proud. (I can’t.) (I mustn’t.) (I won’t) (Okay. I will.)   Ummmm, how do [...]

When Danica first feigned interest in NASCAR, the Discussion Began. Of course, it was a spirited discussion about horrendous Hollywood acting performances … but it began nonetheless. As did The Protest.  When she visited Tony Stewart’s backwoods operation, the Discussion Continued. Of course, it was a lively discussion about which song (and dance) was awful enough [...]

Hmmmmm … OKAY!!!!!!!!! [orders butler to cancel my lunch reservation at the Smithsonian] [hops in my diamond-encrusted supersonic helicopter] [eats a quick bite of veal & gold bullion coins en route to track] [engages in Ultimate Indy Racing Experience over extended lunch break] How exhilarating!! What’s that? You’ve never done it? Pity. You simply must.

{this morning’s telephone call with the Pagoda Overlord, Terry Angstadt} Terry: Hello? Me: Hey, it’s me – just letting you know that the Pagoda’s going to Chicago this weekend. Here’s what I need from you. I need a kick-ass, wireless ready RV that sleeps 12 and is fully equipped with anti-aircraft weaponry … and also a reserved slot in the Chicagoland infield. You know [...]

According to the unstoppable blogging machine known as George Phillips, VERSUS can expand its IndyCar audience not by altering the way in which the League is packaged to (and perceived by) the masses, but rather through the re-broadcasting of old races. During the off-season. To people who aren’t necessarily IndyCar fans. The rationale?     This could give them a different audience than the [...]

Oh good. For a second there, I worried that we’d never be lucky enough to see the full arsenal of crazy that America has to offer. The healthcare reform debate alone has brought out most of it, sure. But not quite ALL of it. It needed some backup. This ought to do it. Yes, Vick is [...]

… because from the looks of things, it would appear that I didn’t miss much. And by “didn’t miss much,” I obviously mean “missed everything.” Why? Because I’m completely surrounded by a massive, military-funded cleanup of the widespread euphoria & giddiness & soiled undergarmets left over from the most spectacular event in the history of everything. [kicks pebble dejectedly] Damn it [...]