If you have kids — and perhaps even if you don’t — you KNOW that the “dual synchronized phone greeting” is forever doomed to fail. It just is. Too many moving parts — all of which requiring the precision timing of a Swiss-made atomic mega-clock. But we as humans are fascinated with its grand potential [...]

Sometimes I’ll catch myself slouched over at my desk with spectacularly awful posture. I’m talking about that special breed of bad posture — the kind that makes me instantly feel guilty for how I’m treating my body. It’s like I’m raping my lower back. With extreme sluggardness. But I don’t notice the problem right away. [...]

En route from Indianapolis to the Kentucky Speedway on Saturday afternoon, a navigational discrepancy occurred. The car’s lovely GPS Lady advised me to take a certain exit off of I-74 — my wife quickly & vehemently advised against it. Right or wrong, I chose to go with the one who had every single back road [...]

It was going on 4:00 AM Sunday morning when we finally paid tribute to a fallen friend. Because there in some crazed campground outside of the Speedway, we honored the life & death of IndyCar in Chicago — and we did it in our own inebriated fashion: by senselessly burning anything resembling fuel. We torched [...]

Few things can be as dangerous as a sense of entitlement. Because frankly, if Reality wanted to know what you think you’re entitled to, It would beat it out of you with a commercial table saw of some kind. And then laugh dismissively & continue on not caring about what you feel you deserve. Not [...]

There’s a group of us who regularly meet up to watch the IZOD IndyCar telecasts. These are typically delightful little affairs filled with witty banter & many fine meats & tasering eachother for sport. And also IndyCar racing, I suppose. And recreational ether use. And all sorts of other happenings generally frowned upon by polite society. Our race-day telecast is a brief escape from the [...]

Imagine for a second that Butler beat Duke for the NCAA Championship. Imagine that Gordon Heyward DRILLED the last second half-court heave, and that there was complete joy & euphoria & widespread economic prosperity throughout all of America. But imagine that it was short-lived. Because for demonstrative purposes, imagine that the referee WAIVED OFF the final shot [...]