There are many delightful perks of this job, and I’m grateful for them all. But perhaps none are more wonderful than the cover-fire it provides for otherwise impossible weekend debauchery.
Case in point, come Sunday, my house will likely be in complete & awful disarray — and my two toddlers amped out of theirs skulls on fruit punch and Skittles. Chaos on all fronts, and certainly not the time to go out galavanting with friends. That would be an unacceptable breach of marital duties. Husbands have been stabbed for lesser things, and rightfully so. But alas, I MUST! I have no choice, woman!! There is an IndyCar race on television, and I have to watch it. IT IS MY JOB!
Of course, this will not sit well with the missus, who always seems to forget about my job responsibilities as she’s scrubbing throw-up & crayon marks off the cupboards:
MY WIFE: Where do you think YOU’RE going?
ME: [holding a deli tray, a handle of Scotch, some M-80's, a beer bong, cans of spray paint, a taser, a bag of Jolly Ranchers, some kerosene, a notepad, an opium pipe & my laptop] Sorry, honey. Gotta go to work. The race starts in 4 hours, and it won’t live-blog itself you know! Love you!!! BYE!!
MY WIFE: [considers murdering me]
Is it fair? No. No it is not. It’s quite unfair, actually. That said …
BLESS YOU, SAO PAULO!! BLESS YOU!!! Oh how I’ve longed for your arrival!! (And good riddance to you, off-season. You lazy cretin. You never provided any useful cover-fire at all, and we never really liked you anyway.)
The point of all this? The Pagoda Society’s Live Colloquium roars back to life on Sunday — this time in TRAVELING MOB FORM. Because we’ll be live-blogging the race from the famed Flag Room at the Brickyard Crossing, where IndyCar is so generously throwing a crazed viewing party for the masses.
Come join us, won’t you? Bring your own kerosene.
By Oilpressure, March 12, 2010 @ 4:31 pm
One of these days, The Pagoda will post no more and a crazed Mrs. Hobbson will be locked away with an evil smile on her face. The “gotta go to work” phrase will have been used once too often and Roy will be found in a puddle of Scotch, beer, kerosene and blood.
Be careful Roy. How you ever snagged Mrs. Hobbson with your evil ways, is beyond me. Treat her nice. You’re playing with fire.
By Marc Bever, March 12, 2010 @ 4:42 pm
What’s it say about me that I’m planning on driving 1.5hrs to watch a race, no not in person, but on TV
By Marc Bever, March 12, 2010 @ 4:47 pm
1. It says that I have DirecTV
By indy44, March 12, 2010 @ 4:53 pm
You’re forgetting the Pumpkin Cannon and the ether.
By Tom G., March 12, 2010 @ 5:49 pm
Will there be a flyover by a bear in jet fighter? Cause if it’s yes, I am sooo there.
By The Speedgeek, March 12, 2010 @ 6:11 pm
Weeping. Mourning the fact that a couple years ago I moved from roughly 320 miles from the Speedway to a shade under 600 away. 320 miles to go watch a race on TV? That’s an absence from the house that can be disguesed as a trip to Home Depot that went badly awry. 600, though? That’s more of a “honey, I got abducted by Greenpeace and hauled out to sea on a whaler-thwarting mission” kind of situation. That might stretch the ol’ credibility just a titch too much.
Instead, I guess I’ll resort to serving myself a $9 club sandwich and have my wife charge me $6 each for Jack and Cokes. My living room will be Flag Room West for the day. Have fun, you crazy SOBs.
By H.B. Donnelly, March 12, 2010 @ 6:17 pm
Perhaps I will celebrate the start of the race by dancing on the DirecTV dish that I recently pulled down. Oh OH! Maybe I’ll steal one of your M80s and blow the damn thing up…BWAHAHA! Take that, space-men!
By @99forever, March 12, 2010 @ 7:04 pm
I vaguely considered driving down to the Flag Room for the race. Not kidding. The eight-hour drive wasn’t quite enough to deter me, nor the thought of dealing with irate border guards. But now that I know Hobbson’s gonna be there? Forget it. We’ll be lucky if there *is* a Flag Room by 2 PM on Sunday.
By redd carr, March 12, 2010 @ 7:16 pm
wait. hobbson has a WIFE? and there are LITTLE HOBBSONS? (shudder)
By Carrie, March 12, 2010 @ 9:12 pm
That’s it. I’m moving to Indy. Think I can fit a camp-stove under the bleachers at IMS?
By Neon18, March 12, 2010 @ 9:33 pm
The dancing babies agree.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFK30CspfJM&feature=channel
By nickh360, March 12, 2010 @ 10:16 pm
25 minutes from the Speedway. But with a 5-week old baby at home, a trip to the Flag Room isn’t an option. I don’t get to use the excuse ‘It’s my job’! Curses!
By Riss, March 13, 2010 @ 8:02 am
There are days when I curse living in Eastern Pennsylvania. Usually its when I realize Marco Andretti is listed as being from this area. Today I curse it for other reasons. Maybe this is the year I make the trip to the Indianapolis 500 Mile Race.
By cappy, March 13, 2010 @ 8:24 am
To the Flag Room!!! MAN THE CATAPAULTS!!
By Riss, March 13, 2010 @ 9:53 am
Off topic here, but looking at the Pagoda’s likes and dislikes…Harold “The Show” Arceneaux!!! One of my favorite March Madness names, and moments. That name alone fires me up for next Thursday and Friday, which become national holidays when I am elected Commissioner of the World.
Sorry to not discuss racing, but “The Show” always excites me.
By Jason McVeigh, March 13, 2010 @ 12:29 pm
I’m so pumped for the start of the Indycar season, I haven’t been this excited since the Saints won the.. Oops.. Sorry.. But I’m sure the folks of Indianapolis are over that by now, right?..no?.. C’mon it’s a new season of Indycar.. Still no?
By Christopher Leone, March 13, 2010 @ 12:33 pm
Are you going to do tequila shots every time Conway crashes again this year, or does somebody else get the honors? I think you should do shots every time somebody hits the wall on the frontstretch.
By Joe, March 13, 2010 @ 2:23 pm
I’m sure IZOD is powering up the death ray they are going to use to kill everyone who watches this race tomorrow if this “grinding” fix doesn’t work. Their fair name will not be besmirched by bad racing, just bad commercials.
By Neon18, March 13, 2010 @ 10:24 pm
The talking babies think that no one should have to drive on that crap!