Colts. Jets. AFC Championship Game. It’ll be mayhem on a grand scale, and the Pagoda is closed today. My apologies. Oh, and the city burns at 7:00 EST.
Years of Indy 500 debauchery have prepared me for today, and they’ve prepared me well. Today will be an apocalyptic free-for-all in Downtown Indy where there are no laws & everything is flammable. I’ve packed accordingly:
- rain gear
- pre-cooked spare ribs
- ether
- makeshift catapult
- axe
- concussion grenades
- case of whisky
- sacrificial goats
- Nerf football
- Bob Sanders jersey
- mythological sword of fire
Perhaps that crosses the line of good taste & decency. Maybe I’m just overly nervous. But frankly, this is for the cherished Super Bowl berth, and tensions are running high. Also, I hate this guy. Profoundly.
Godspeed, Horse. You too, Colts fans.
Signing off.
By Larry Phelps, January 24, 2010 @ 12:03 pm
This ain’t exactly going to be the Battle of Antietam. I’ve never felt less threatened going into a game of this consequence. I’d like to offer my formal apologies to the city of New York and it’s trashy neighbors across the river.
If you dug up the remains of Richard Todd I might, emphasis might, be a little bit more concerned. I’m as superstitious as the next guy, but this Jets team is a one-dimensional joke. Thank god I’ve got 2 buttons of peyote and enough Woodford Reserve to kill a shetland pony.
By James, January 24, 2010 @ 1:20 pm
Is there a negative scale on the Stortebeker-Ganassi Scale™? Whoever wrote that and whoever that clown in the picture is should be about -10, unless it goes lower. If AJ read any of that city-slicker bullcrap, heads would roll.
By frankie x, January 24, 2010 @ 2:20 pm
S-G scale chart-toppers? J. Saturday, D. Clark, B. Sanders, D. Freeny, R. Wayne…
go colts!
By The Speedgeek, January 24, 2010 @ 4:42 pm
That’s right, Mr. New York Writer Guy. It’s far better to live someplace where you have to earn $150,000 a year in order to be able to afford a 650 square foot apartment, no car, and a cup of coffee from Starbucks about every other day (at $6 a piece, unless you’re getting an $8 cappuccino). Living amongst all the museums and off-Broadway plays in the world isn’t necessarily a whole lot of fun if you can’t afford to get in…
I never thought I’d say it, but Go Colts. Ugh. I have to go take a shower now.
By H.B. Donnelly, January 25, 2010 @ 12:45 pm
seriously, speedgeek, that guy’s a damn fool. I rather enjoy my $400/year apartment, 70¢ coffee from the store next door, and the ability to park in a garage downtown and be within walking distance of EVERYTHING. Plus, I save enough money on life to be able to go to the best steakhouse EVER (St. Elmos) before I WALK to the beautiful brick and glass monument to the Colts and enjoy the best atmosphere in pro football. Let’s see a Jets fan claim THAT.
I enjoy how he managed to leave out any description of the Speedway, because it would’ve entirely ruined the point of his story. Well…that, and A.J. showed up inside his office, cracking his knuckles, and threatening to throw a backhoe at the guy if he tried to talk wise about the Speedway.
By Jason Mcveigh, January 25, 2010 @ 2:52 pm
The silent pagoda: closed until the city of Indianapolis sobers up.
By Coz, January 25, 2010 @ 3:36 pm
Agreed all with these comments. I’m from Chicago, lived in LA for a while, back to Chicago, then Phoenix for a couple of years and now in Vegas.
Indy has its own soul and flavor, the IMS, of course being the crown jewel. Soul is what makes a town, and Indy definitely has it: I’ve been to:
My cousin’s wedding reception was at the Star Light Ball Room. Is that the right name? Gorgeous room downtown that’s as nice a venue as I’ve been in.
I’ve yukked it up in Broadnipple.
Of course Mr. Huse and his son, Craig, over at the Elmo and Harry & Izzy’s.
I’ve been to the top of the War Monument, and been to the Veteran’s Parade. One does not make fun of an America which honors its war dead with such great respect and honor.
I’ve seen The Who at Deer Creek, and partied with John Entwistle and Simon Townshend at the Noodle.
I’ve crashed in the Victory Suite of the Marriott Hotel overlooking beautiful Victory Field.
I’ve stayed at the old Speedway Inn where Paul Newman filmed “Winning”. And swam in the pool with the “Wing and Wheel” tiles on the bottom.
I’ve had a corned beef sandwich at Shapiro’s.
I’ve crashed at the Canterbury, and was given a personal tour of “The Tyson Suite” buy one of the maids.
And I’ve been to Charlie Brown’s for breakfast.
And that’s not even half of it all.
Indy is a some place, and it’s a someplace I’ll always return to and remember quite fondly.
New York is a fine town that I’ve had a lot of fun in, but it is not the be all and end all of America. Viva Indy!!
By Carrie, January 25, 2010 @ 5:52 pm
Are you over the hangover yet, Hobbson?
By BC, January 25, 2010 @ 8:12 pm
Coz…that’s slow clap worthy. Hear, hear!
The Who you speak of – did that outfit include a certain Keith Moon? I’d have killed to be able to witness such a musical display.
By Roy Hobbson, January 25, 2010 @ 11:21 pm
Coz — Oh my. Phenomenally said, there.
Carrie — No. Even my hair hurts. Stupid old age.
By Mandy, January 27, 2010 @ 1:28 am
Coz, I love that you referred to the venue by its proper name of Deer Creek. Verizon can suck it!
By Coz, January 27, 2010 @ 12:08 pm
(Sung to a tune that will shortly come to you)
I’ve met Mario Andretti,
and I’ve seen Cogan crash.
An’ if that ain’t Indy,
Well, I’ll kiss your ass.