The night this decade began, I was 23 and far from home and failing my first year of law school. I was dead broke and had a girlfriend. She, meanwhile, had about 6,000 friends — all of whom I was awkwardly meeting for the first time in a crowded bar in Buckhead. Meeting new people under such conditions is disorienting & awful & pointless — not unlike spelunking. Some have a knack for it, but not me.
It was a weird night, if you recall. Our planet’s infrastructure was facing certain and swift destruction. Banks & hospitals would burn at midnight, and every plane dumb enough to be airborne right then would explode. Casualties could be high, we were warned. Chaos was inevitable. Only the heavily armed would thrive – everyone else was doomed. Worse still, this vile bar in Buckhead was charging a $60 cover … a cocktail was slightly less. Prince’s “1999″ was on a continuous loop, I remember. It was an odd scene.
And so began the aughts. The 00′s. The nameless bastard-decade that brought us the iPod, terrorism, and reality television. There were other changes as well. Too many to count, really. But those three stand out for some reason, although I’m not sure why. Not that it matters.
Because we’ll all categorize this decade in our own ways, and remember it differently. Some will remember it for seemingly trivial matters, and some won’t remember it at all. Many will remember it as the single worst decade in Cinematic history, when “Crash” won an Academy Award & everything went to shit. Some will look back on it fondly, of course, but not the poor bastards who got Anthraxed & died. Or worse. They’re understandably reluctant to tally up the scores, and so am I on most days. But not today.
I’ll remember the aughts as the most transitional decade of my life. But so what? That’s not unique, nor terribly insightful. Aren’t all decades wildly transitional in some fashion? Probably. Maybe. Usually, perhaps? I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t really paying attention before. But I am now.
Because when this decade began on that freakish night in Buckhead, my single biggest concern in life was conquering ”007 GoldenEye” on PlayStation. That’s not a lie, regrettably. Nor an exaggeration. I remember it well.
Ten years later, though, I don’t even own a PlayStation & that girlfriend is my wife. We have kids, and I take one to school every Wednesday morning. Some days my back hurts for no real reason. Other days I find myself haggling with my insurance carrier. Sure — the Cubs still find new & creative ways to rape my World Series dreams … so that hasn’t particularly changed. But just two weeks ago, my doctor threatened to put me on diabetes medicine unless I lost 15 pounds. (Next stop, dialysis!!! YAY!!!!) We have lots of calendars lying around the house too.
It was a fast & unpredictable ride, the aughts, and it took us all to strange places. Maybe the fastest & most unpredictable 10-year stretch ever … with the possible exception of every single decade that came before it. Because having thought on it now, that’s probably just how decades are — and I’m now guessing that anyone paying attention all along would say the same.
But nevermind all that. I’m blathering on like an asshole, and you have parties to attend and bars to get to and $28 Screwdrivers to drink. Me? My back hurts & I’m playing boardgames with my kids tonight.
It’ll be an odd scene alright. Odd and perfect.
(Happy New Year’s, everybody. Watch out for the crazies, and WHATEVER you do, GET. A. TAXI. Or sleep it off under the pool table. Good luck out there tonight, and be safe.)
By BP, December 31, 2009 @ 3:55 pm
A.J. Foyt says you can conquer diabetes by ripping the heads off of live rattlesnakes with your teeth. You know, in case you don’t like medicine.
Happy New Year.
By Carrie, December 31, 2009 @ 3:57 pm
To quote Missy from Bring It On: Aw… *tear*
Happy New Year all you SP’ers. Thanks for filling my time on the Intrawebz with a lot of fun and even more absurdity.
So’s your face!
By Jason Mcveigh, December 31, 2009 @ 3:58 pm
I know I speak for literally tens of people who can say that the most entertaining new thing to come out of this decade was.. The Silent Pagoda. It brought laughs aplenty even when the “Real” world was gloomy. I hope it continues to give us plenty more throughout the “Tens”. So from Northern Ireland, Happy new year Roy and family, internet wife Carrie and all the Pagoda readers. You all have made me laugh lots in 2009.
By Mike Hare, December 31, 2009 @ 4:31 pm
Listen to your Dr. I was diagnosed diabetic 25 years ago. Today I am on dialysis and hoping for a kidney. yippee! Try The Daily Plate for weight loss http://www.thedailyplate.com/. Good, common sense approach. Good luck and Happy New Year.
By Jeff R., December 31, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
I agree, “Crash”, the single worst movie ever made! Roy, you clearly are a very evolved species. Now that we’ve made that clear, I’m going back to my PlayStation, Gran Turismo “driving simulator”(No, it’s NOT a game!). BTW, I met Willy T. at a party in Sonoma once. He’s very large and wears cowboy boots. Happy New Year to you and LindyCar!!
By Carrie, December 31, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
Crash is the single worst movie ever made? Someone hasn’t seen Return of the Killer Tomatoes “starring” I Want To Marry A Millionaire creep Rick Rockwell.
By The Speedgeek, December 31, 2009 @ 6:08 pm
And a Happy New Year to you and all of the other Silent Pagodians, Hobbson. Here’s hoping that your evening doesn’t wind up with you bashing one of your little ones over the head with the Scrabble board after they try to get a triple word score with “Doornbos”.
By pressdog, December 31, 2009 @ 6:50 pm
I’ll spend tonight spearing competitors on my F1 2009 Wii game screaming “SO’S YOUR FACE” at the screen. Probably sleeping by 10:30 p.m. My back also hurts for no apparent reason.
By Shane Rogers, December 31, 2009 @ 6:54 pm
I would have went with “Scheckter” which is worth 60. 20 For the word, and you get a triple wide score on top.
Good article SP: Made me think about me 10 years ago. How times have changed.
By MeganRN, December 31, 2009 @ 9:37 pm
Broke and failing law school AND 10 years from diabetes? Weren’t you quite the catch?
Happy New Year Pagodites.
By Trish, January 1, 2010 @ 2:22 am
I just found out about the Pagoda. I’m in love! I’m not a whore so don’t judge me.
By Bickelmom, January 1, 2010 @ 2:16 pm
10 years ago bickeldad and I were getting drunk calls from a friend who, last night, gave us a “slightly buzzed” call. Barely made it to midnight. Wanted to scream when three bickelsons woke at 7 a.m. Getting old before our time…
Happy 2010 Pagodies!
By Nathan, January 1, 2010 @ 2:36 pm
GoldenEye on Playstation?
GoldenEye N64 FTW….no discussion.
By Dylan, January 1, 2010 @ 9:52 pm
Yeah, for me the decade was a decade of change.
By H.B. Donnelly, January 2, 2010 @ 12:17 am
oh good god…I’m 23. I just recently got a functioning xbox 360 and am desperately trying to cram games down. I’m not in grad school, but I’ve certainly been giving it thought. Luckily, I don’t have a girlfriend whose 6,000 friends I’m meeting in a bar…yet.
OH LORD, NO…I’M JUST LIKE HOBBSON WAS TEN YEARS AGO! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF CHARLES BURNS, DON’T LET ME TURN OUT LIKE HIM!
haha…all in good fun, sir. Enjoy the ‘teens’ and I hope you’re twice as mighty and powerful in 2020 as you are today.
By boilerrx, January 2, 2010 @ 1:54 pm
Happy New Years from Baghdad!
Can’t believe where the 00′s have taken me. Kid in highschool in Columbus, IN to an Army LT stationed in B-dad. It’s been a long ride…goals for 2010:
Finish this deployment
Read more Pagoda
Propose to my girl on R&R…might even do it at the race!
Get Married
and
Watch the Son of Stache win his first 500!
Bring it on teens!
By Sarge, January 2, 2010 @ 6:01 pm
Whoa, Hobbson. Was your new year resolution to turn into Tom Wolfe? That’s some deep shit there. I kid. I kid because I don’t care and because I’m drunk.
Happy new year to my fellow Pagoda Society of Misfits. Here’s to hoping we wrestle control away from the Man in 2010. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!!
By Coz, January 4, 2010 @ 4:07 pm
disorienting & awful & pointless – I thought that was the 2005 US Grand Prix. Roy, if my math is correct, I’m old enough to be your father. And while I could say the standard malarkey about what a rotten son you turned out to be, but instead, I’ll take the high road and say what a nice boy you turned out to be, if you like hemorrhoids, that is. Anyhoo, back to my original point, which is, if you thought that life sucked so far, I got news for you: it doesn’t get any better. Now I’m not suggesting that you go to Monument Circle and jump out the window; but you can still make the best out of a rotten situation. We still have the 500, and every now and again, treat yourself to a shrimp cocktail at the Elmo, and ask for a cup of cocktail sauce to go; take it home, and give yourself an Elmo cocktail sauce enema. It just might be the only thing exciting to happen in your life, that your are completely in control of, for the next 50 years. And do yourself a favor: dump the Cubs. You can’t fight the Greek and his goat. Many have tried, all have failed: Don Zimmer, Don Baylor, Dusty Baker and Lou Pinella. There are plenty of other pathetic franchises out there to root for.
By Hamilton Fish, January 5, 2010 @ 9:08 am
I’ll remember the aughts as the European decade with an ill advised excursion into Morocco mixed in. This next decade I reclaim my North American roots. I root for the death of reality tv and talent shows for this decade…and of course the resurgence of America’s favorite sport: lawn darts. I can live with you ridding the country of 3 wheelers and Robitussin, but this will just not stand.
By Carrie, January 5, 2010 @ 12:33 pm
Holy crap, one of my New Year wishes has been granted!
http://www.ryanracing.com/content/view/294/29/
Now I’ll have something to do at Indy besides getting ripped to the gills at TK’s clam bake and being hypnotized by the brightness of Dan Wheldon’s teeth!