The night this decade began, I was 23 and far from home and failing my first year of law school. I was dead broke and had a girlfriend. She, meanwhile, had about 6,000 friends — all of whom I was awkwardly meeting for the first time in a crowded bar in Buckhead. Meeting new people under such conditions [...]

Hi, I’m Robert Lee Roy Hobbson. I own The Silent Pagoda. I write stuff. I’m not going to waste your time – I’m going to tell you just like it is.

Remember when Buzz Aldrin & Neil Armstrong didn’t land on the moon in July of 1969? Remember when they were THISCLOSE to touching down on the lunar surface, but Flight Command called it off at the very last moment? Remember the exchange that took place? “Too risky,” Flight Command cautioned the astronauts. “We’ve been thinking it over [...]

Some people might find a Christmas card heavy on the flames & Jack Daniels a bit inappropriate. Of course, those people are called “stupid Communists,” and nobody really cares what they think anyway. To hell with them. It’s a wondrous time, Christmas is. And no greasy Commuists will tell us how to celebrate it. And celebrate it we shall. [raises [...]

{IZOD IndyCar Series Christmas Party Monday night} Terry Angstadt: Alright, folks. We’ve got a wonderful Christmas surprise for you. Let’s give a big IndyCar welcome to Santa!!! [a sleigh pulled by 8 tiny backhoes explodes through the wall]

Bill Polian: Colts fans, for the last time, you will heed my wisdom. We will rest the starters from here on out. 16-and-0 means nothing if Peyton breaks his back. You people are ill-equipped for these type of decisions, and you are dumb. Jim Nabors: But not scared. Polian: Excuse me? Nabors: No, I don’t think [...]

Ever dragged two toddlers around Disney World for 16 consecutive hours? I have — this past Friday, actually. And I’m here to tell you that the myths are true: it’s 16 hours of pure mayhem that will WRECK YOUR SHIT. It’s parental madness, and it will take you to the very brink of physical, psychological, financial and emotional ruin. Hidden dangers await your every [...]