Welcome to Motegi, Japan, where race-starved IndyCar fans will turn their bloodshot eyeballs in the wee hours to see if Danica Patrick can once again capture the magic in what is always the least watched race of the year. Well, the ones who don’t have DirecTV anyways.

This week, a limited crew is in Japan for IndyCar and I am not. Which is to say, I’m here preparing for the BYU/FSU football game and (hopefully) in the good graces of the people of Provo, Utah. My fingers are crossed, at least. After all, I’m abstaining from caffeine. And wine.

In the wisest move of 2009, someone fancied the notion of starting TK & Helio in the rear of the grid. Translation: we get to be dazzled by two crazed Brazilians hunting down entire packs of unfortunate prey. With the aged & feeble falling first, of course, in graphic — potentially uncomfortable – displays of raw carnage & [...]

► A Live Colloquium kicks off tonight at 1:47 AM. Or whenever it is the race starts. ► Christina Hendricks may or may not join us tonight.   ► Jeff Iannucci returns from his Icelandic oil rigging excursion today to prepare you for Motegi. It’ll be insightful & well-reasoned, and everything that my preview wouldn’t be. Mainly [...]

Hmmmmm … OKAY!!!!!!!!! [orders butler to cancel my lunch reservation at the Smithsonian] [hops in my diamond-encrusted supersonic helicopter] [eats a quick bite of veal & gold bullion coins en route to track] [engages in Ultimate Indy Racing Experience over extended lunch break] How exhilarating!! What’s that? You’ve never done it? Pity. You simply must.

Drivers sometimes send us links to stories from their homelands in an effort to give a flavor of their respective countries. Usually, these are meant to be tales of great interest or awesomeness that put the homeland in a favorable light. Of course, the Pagoda will decide what is & is not ”favorable.” That is our business. [...]

So you think Scott Dixon will win Friday night, do you? Well guess what? You have a 38.9% chance of being correct … which is exactly 61.1 percentage points less than what we’re looking for here today. And roughly 9.2 billion percentage points less interesting.