So you think Scott Dixon will win Friday night, do you? Well guess what? You have a 38.9% chance of being correct … which is exactly 61.1 percentage points less than what we’re looking for here today. And roughly 9.2 billion percentage points less interesting.
This is the Pagoda – not the Talkback forum on IndyCar.com. Nobody wants to hear what you think might happen … we want to hear what absolutely, positively won’t happen. Like, for instance – ”Robert Doornbos won’t slide-tackle the Prime Minister of Japan while celebrating his podium finish.” BOOM!!!!!!!! 100% GUARANTEED, RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!! Same goes for “Godzilla won’t rain down death & destruction while lumbering through Turn 4.” [knocks on wood] It too will not happen. I hope. The list goes on and on.
The mic is hereby open. Have at it — and welcome back to IndyCar racing.
By ecracer, September 15, 2009 @ 1:47 pm
Kanye, absolutely WILL NOT grab the microphone from the and claim Helio is a better dancer than Shawn Johnson.
By ecracer, September 15, 2009 @ 1:49 pm
Blast you HTML… blast you!!
Kanye, absolutely WILL NOT grab the microphone from the – insert “business dignitary/celebrity & race grand marshall” name here – and claim Helio is a better dancer than Shawn Johnson.
By Riss, September 15, 2009 @ 2:12 pm
Legendary WWF manager Mr Fuji will not throw salt in the eyes of Ryan Briscoe on the last lap, allowing Hideki Mutoh to win.
By Kendal, September 15, 2009 @ 2:35 pm
Definitely WILL happen – Danica will capture her second IndyCar win at the same track she captured her first.
By JT, September 15, 2009 @ 2:37 pm
Danica will absolutely NOT announce her plans for 2010!
By tamgil, September 15, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
Kamikaze pilots won’t “swoop in” and blow everyone but Milka Duno off the track – giving her a victory!
By Kid_Charlemange, September 15, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
Hello Kitty WILL NOT viciously attack the crowd.
By pressdog, September 15, 2009 @ 2:40 pm
The race will NOT be won by someone going full-rich, P1 on the (really bad word) FUEL KNOB. Likewise, Arute will NOT go the entire race without saying “making fuel” one, if not 1098 times.
By Stubbs, September 15, 2009 @ 2:52 pm
EJ Viso will not swoop down into the starting grid riding atop Mothra. And that’s a shame, because last year, he might have. We wouldn’t have ruled it out at least.
By cappy, September 15, 2009 @ 3:03 pm
I won’t be staying up to watch the race on Friday night/Saturday morning. Not unless I sniff more glue than usual.
By Allen Wedge, September 15, 2009 @ 3:32 pm
Jack Arute will not say the word egg….. under 10 times. (Though he will still show us an egg)
By dylan, September 15, 2009 @ 3:41 pm
A non red car will NOT win the race.
By Jewcock, September 15, 2009 @ 4:19 pm
Paul Tracy will not give Danica Patrick a Dirty Sanchez to celebrate her second victory.
By Carrie, September 15, 2009 @ 4:27 pm
Oh thanks a lot, Jewcock. I had to go to Urban Dictionary and look that up. Damn you, Urban Dictionary!
By tamgil, September 15, 2009 @ 4:45 pm
LOL Carrie – hope you weren’t at work when you did that!
By Roy Hobbson, September 15, 2009 @ 5:49 pm
I think now is a great time to reiterate the fact that the views expressed in the Pagoda are not necessarily those of the IndyCar Series. Let’s keep it above board in here. Got it?
[giggles]
By P Daddy, September 15, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
They will not overdub the singing of the Japanese National Anthem with English (old bruce lee or godzilla style).
By Brian, September 15, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Diva Danica will not win a second and last IndyCar race unless she miraculously avoids a seven-car pileup in front of her.
By bickelmom, September 15, 2009 @ 6:29 pm
As a general rule, Carrie, I would not look up any unfamiliar terms that you find here! I know enough to know that it is in a Bob and Tom song, and that is enough to keep me away from the Urban dictionary!
Oh, and I will NOT suddenly be inspired to buy anything IZOD because everything is going to be all right.
By bickelmom, September 15, 2009 @ 6:31 pm
As a general rule, Carrie, I would not look up new terms you find here. All I know is that “Dirty Sanchez” is in a Bob and Tom song, so I know I should remain blissfully ignorant.
By bickelmom, September 15, 2009 @ 6:34 pm
Stinkin’ computer! I hate when it makes me think I didn’t post anything, so I post again and then it posts both. Makes me look crazy (which is just SO far from true).
By Sl4md4nce, September 15, 2009 @ 7:53 pm
Well… While I WILL be watching I will unfortunately NOT be attending. In spite of the language barrier, the prospect of getting a single event ticket at Motegi could NOT be any worse than Chicagoland’s inflexible “season tickets only” policy. Who buys a season ticket when 2/3 of the events have already run?
Unless Hugo Chavez is able to pull off another one of his ingenious last minute attempts at political reasoning, Japan shall remain unable to experience my tailgate festivities. It was going to involve sock puppets, virtual reality goggles, and a guest appearance by Shonen Knife. So much for my security deposit.
By Bickel Dad, September 15, 2009 @ 7:55 pm
Geez, what is with Bickelmom? Does she think she is so important she has to post three times?
I’m fairly sure we will not see Marco honored for his class and sportsmanship.
By Greg&Marj, September 15, 2009 @ 8:28 pm
Love the photo. I can only hope that we will NOT see Dario’s wife. Hopefully, she got left at home.
By CurlingRacer, September 15, 2009 @ 10:32 pm
We won’t see any cars during streaming coverage (Thanks DirecTV!!) other than Kosuke Matsuura, Roger Yasukawa, and Hideki Mutoh from the Japanese Feed.
Godzilla storming Turn 4…Freakin’ Brillant!! I can see Raymond Burr lining up the Patriot missiles right now!
You know, I think Godzilla was misunderstood…
By JP, September 15, 2009 @ 11:33 pm
Thanks to Versus and DirecTV, during the race I will definately be staring at the ungliest purple ottman on the face of the planet. Hit the link to read why…
By jason mcveigh, September 16, 2009 @ 6:33 am
The race will probably be good and Paul Tracy will be missed again just like he was at every other race he didn’t compete in this year. (Please get this man a full time ride)
By DZ, September 16, 2009 @ 9:56 am
I guar-awn-tee you won’t see a certain former Firestone Lights driver win a controversial finish over Vitor Meira, resulting in AJ b!*#slapping a second generation of Luyendyk.
You also won’t see AJ eatin’ any damned squid, octopus, eel, or any that other sumbitchin’ girly-ferrign stuff they pass off as food, although he is intrigued by the nyotaimori restaurants as it reminds him of a victory dinner following the Ted Horn Memorial at DuQuoin back in ’64, except back then, the meat was burnt ends with BBQ sauce and Lone Star poured in wonderful locations…
By DC, September 16, 2009 @ 10:28 am
You won’t see AJ bludgening Jack Arute with an air gun when Arute askes about his Dr. Feelgoods.
By Roy Hobbson, September 16, 2009 @ 11:10 am
Don’t say that, DC. DON’T EVER SAY THAT!!!!!!!!! That is NEVER off the table.
“What table?” you ask.
Why, the table in my dreams, of course.
By Ryan Worden, September 16, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
You won’t see AJ there at all. (doctors orders).
You also won’t hear Schechter yelling ‘Bonzai!’ everytime he dive bombs someone heading into the corner.
By Rob, September 16, 2009 @ 2:00 pm
Won’t happen? Hmmmmmmmm. Ok, how ’bout this: Kimi Räikkönen and Mika Häkkinen show up with a 1983 Audi Quattro A1 world rally car and with Lindy Thackston acting as navigator procede to win the race as a precursor to driving to the top of Mt.Fuji.
By Hamilton Fish, September 17, 2009 @ 7:17 am
Bill Cosby will not be in the hospitality tent autographing limited edition Leonard Part 6 lithographs. Incidentally, that is showing right now on Encore…my question is, Does Encore actually pay the studio who made this abomination and does Cosby bag like $2.38 as a residual?
By Sl4md4nce, September 17, 2009 @ 9:57 pm
HamFish: You had me at “Cosby bag”.
The odds of those two words appearing together in a sentence… well, the math makes my goiter hurt. Obviously a code of some sort. Whether you follow Nostradamus or Jon Bon Jovi, this clearly means we have mere days left to live.
Hobbson, my earnest challenge to you: confirm the sign by using the two magical words again in your next post.
The proverbial gloves have been thrown down, sir. Sniff deeply and conduct your blessed wordsmith craft.