You know who I listen to when it comes to describing what it’s like to drive an Indy car? I listen to someone who’s never done it, obviously. I listen to Darrell Waltrip:
Apparently, and I’ve never driven an Indy car, but apparently it’s a lot easier to get out of a stock car and get in an Indy car and be successful or competitive than it is to get out of an Indy car and get into a stock car.
I listen to Darrell Waltrip quite often, actually. Throughout the years, his unique brand of perspective & guidance has forged my worldview. Here are some other similar statements he’s made that only a damned fool would disregard:
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Apparently, and I’ve never cooked veal scallopini, but apparently it’s a lot easier than deep-frying a possum.
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Apparently, and I’ve never performed a laparoscopic cholecystectomy, but apparently it’s a lot easier than air-brushin’ Neal McCoy’s face onto a cutoff t-shirt.
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Apparently, and I’ve never designed & manufactured a high-speed bullet train, but apparently it’s no different than chewing off your own toenails.
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Apparently, and I’ve never seen “The Big Lebowski,” but apparently it’s a dumbed down version of Britney Spears’ “Crossroads,” which was scintillating.
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Apparently, and I’ve never been to Portugal, but apparently it’s a poor man’s Gatlinburg.
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Apparently, and I’ve never piloted an F-22 Raptor, but it’s certainly no more nerve-wracking than shooting the rapids aboard the Log Flume at Six Flags.
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Apparently, and I’ve never snorted a quart of heroin, but it’s really no different than the initial rush of adrenaline that comes with a big ol’ wad of apple Big League Chew.
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Apparently, and I’ve never read one thing about Buddhism, but I’m fairly confident that the whole “religion” is nothing more than gay witchcraft.
By D.W., July 21, 2009 @ 11:49 am
Boogity, boogity, boogity! You got it, man!
By pressdog, July 21, 2009 @ 2:32 pm
Apparently, and I’ve never flipped down the track like a freshly beheaded chicken in an IndyCar, but I’m fairly certain that if you listen to Ole Dee Dubbya, you won’t have to worry about it.
By Gatorpark, July 21, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Tony Stewart go from Indy Car to NASCAR, and after this year he’ll have the same number of Cup championships as D.W. The only NASCAR drivers that could get in an Indy Car & hope for success are Stewart, Jeff & Robby Gordon, John Andretti, Juan Pablo, Ryan Newman, & Kasey Kahne.
By dylan, July 21, 2009 @ 9:22 pm
Apparently, and I’ve never seen it done, a driver who starts their career in Nascar could win Monoco or the Indy 500.
By Boo Boo, July 21, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
Apparently, and I haven’t spent much time around livestock, there isn’t a whole lot of difference between me and a horse’s ass.
By Flash, July 21, 2009 @ 10:16 pm
Lay off Gatlinburg. If you must, pick on Pigeon Forge (home of Dollywood).
By Hamilton Fish, July 22, 2009 @ 7:49 am
Apparently, and I haven’t really seen the Sistine Chapel, but I’d guess it’s not much different then my Etch-a-Sketch of Huckleberry Hound operating a mechanical reaper.
By McL, July 22, 2009 @ 9:24 am
I’ve never been a wedge breaker on an NFL kickoff unit, but apparently its easier than roughing up a lady friend.
By P Daddy, July 22, 2009 @ 12:26 pm
Apparently, and I’ve never been with a super model, but I’d guess it’s not much different then my goat Jebidiah after a night of drinkin’ Old Grandad.
By H.B. Donnelly, July 22, 2009 @ 6:26 pm
what if DW and Jack Arute were in the same room talking up IndyCar? Is that like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters?
By MM, July 23, 2009 @ 10:41 am
Now i’ve never gone to school but Apparently an ivy league edg-a-mication is pretty much the same thing as clown college.