If you’re Vitor Meira right now, you’ve got a ticket to ride — to Badassville, that is. (Which is a lovely place this time of year, I’m told.) The reason? It’s because of his highly visible, industrial-grade, iron-maiden-like back brace he’s in. And more specifically, how he gets to impress curious, smoking-hot co-eds who might ask what happened: It’s nothing, sweetheart. I just smashed my Dallara into Turn 1 at 230 miles per hour. No big deal. I’m lucky to even be — whoa whoa whoa slow down, gorgeous. Put your clothes back on. Show some restraint.
Yet another perk of coolness, I suppose. And also of broken vertebrae.
I only bring this up because I too am currently dealing with a very traumatic – very noticeable – injury … one that has drawn many questions from curious onlookers. It’s my thumb, you see. More specifically, it’s the unsightly heap of dried blood beneath my thumbnail. And because I’m physically incapable of being anything but woefully uncool, I get to impress NOBODY when they inevitably ask what happened: It’s nothing, sweetheart. I just smashed my thumb into a whirling ceiling fan when I was putting on my bathrobe. It hurt so bad that I cried and almost threw up.
(True story, unfortunately. All of it.)
The point? If anybody has suffered a lamer injury, by all means, let’s hear it. Winner gets an official Silent Pagoda accountant’s visor, as well as seven four of Vitor’s unused Percocets here.
By Sticky McCombs, June 24, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
You DO wear a robe! I knew it! Which of course means you also smoke a Tahitian pipe each solstice and are a connoisseur of the ménage à trois.
By Amy, June 24, 2009 @ 7:27 pm
I burnt the roof of my mouth on reheated pizza the other day…I should have made a video blog about it…
Glad Vitor is getting better!!! and how bout that schnauzer of his???
By George, June 24, 2009 @ 7:58 pm
I hurt my wrist trying to kill a tiny green lizard in my house with a shoe while my cat sat there and watched. And I play the piano for a living!!!
By Mandy, June 25, 2009 @ 2:25 am
It probably doesn’t count as an injury, but I’m 23, and I still have to have someone with me to hold my hand whenever I get blood drawn. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and have to get tests all the time, so my boyfriend spends a lot of his lunch hours at the doctor’s office, starving because I’m such a wimp.
By DZ, June 25, 2009 @ 7:52 am
I hurt every day. I’m 42.
By P Daddy, June 25, 2009 @ 9:13 am
waaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!
By Brian, June 25, 2009 @ 11:52 am
Sadly, Vitor will never win an IndyCar race before getting shown the door by A.J. or his work visa expires. He’d be lucky to get a drive in a sports car team. Maybe when he’s healed he can drive 4WD buggies, golf carts and trucks on A.J.’s game-hunting ranch. Or has Anthony IV got that job already?
By Bickelmom, June 25, 2009 @ 1:54 pm
I sprained my wrist in college by picking up the TV remote. True story. Had to wear a brace on my wrist and everything.
By Carrie, June 25, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
I ripped one of my toenails out running to the TV from the bedroom so I could watch RHR’s IZOD commercial on the plasma screen for the first time. Yeah, imagine my annoyance at the fact that it’s aired every five minutes since then on Versus!
By Roy Hobbson, June 26, 2009 @ 10:26 am
How ironic, Carrie. Everytime that commercial comes on, it feels like someone’s ripping out the toenails of my soul.
By splash-n-go, June 29, 2009 @ 4:27 pm
my ass hurt after eating a half dozen tenderloins with chohula hot sauce the day before memorial day…