[The WTR Report runs every Monday at around noon — or possibly Thursday — throughout the season]
Make no mistake, there are monumental struggles in this world. Unimaginable, horrifying struggles occuring as we speak. People struggling with famine & war & disease & the like. And nobody’s saying those struggles aren’t bothersome, because I’m quite certain they are.
I’m just saying that they’re NOTHING compared to the immense frustration of trying to piece together an entertaining Long Beach Recap. [slams head against door jamb again] It’s like trying to piece together an Apache helicopter from a bag of Funyuns.
It’s frustrating in the sense that I don’t understand street courses in general. I don’t understand the strategies. I don’t understand the logic. And I don’t understand the appeal.
Most notably, though, I don’t understand my own seething — probably unfair — hatred of the format. Or at least, I didn’t understand it. Now I do … thanks to an epiphany. And like most of my other IndyCar epiphanies, this one came in the form of Tony Kanaan talking to me about drug use in one fashion or another:
(As a quick aside, if you thought TK’s drug of choice was the famed “Kansas City Cannonball” (ether pellets soaked in heroin & pine tar), raise your hands. [raises hand] C’mon now, be honest. Don’t be shy … we don’t judge here. Therrrrrrrrrrre you go. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Wow — quite a few of you, I see. Very well then. Carry on.)
You know what the epiphany here is? It’s how this promo hammers home the undeniable truth that IndyCar’s most marketable qualities — the qualities that distinguish it from every other form of racing on the planet — are (1) the unfathomably high speeds; and (2) the inherent, terrifying dangers therein. I can vouch for both, by the way. (Me & my resultant facial twitches can vouch for them, I mean.)
And yet, these contrived street-course races take IndyCar’s most compelling & distinguishing characteristics and shove them down a well. Intentionally. By design. And without any logical reason or need. In turn, this causes the end product to be the exact f–king opposite of everything IndyCar is, and everything it holds itself out to be. Where’s the promo for that kind of racing “action,” VERSUS?
Before the start of the street course race, I feel lethargic. Kinda bored, really. Sleepiness — it makes me hope I get really lucky with a timely pit stop … or maybe a full-course yellow. What do I see at 42 mph? A lot. I see a lot. I see most every individual in the stands. I see the blooming spring fauna out in Turn 28. I see the Häagen-Dazs vendor over in turn 34, and I think, “Some raspberry sorbet sounds f–king delicious right now!!” You have one goal in a street course race: to get get lucky. Street course racing is about getting lucky. Mindlessly, haphazardly lucking into victory is my drug.
(I can’t see you, obviously, but I’ll just assume you’re physically nodding in agreement.)
The good news here? The IndyCar season starts Sunday.
May we all enjoy our drug-induced haze.
By pressdog, April 23, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
Well, you’ve forgotten about the History and Tradition of Long Beach, which everyone insists makes this A Great Event, but I think carries the Entertainment value of a gutted carp. And I was a history minor in college. DON’T YOU REALIZE YOU’RE WATCHING HISTORY?? Maybe I confused History for Dixon having a clown moment in the hairpin. Sorry to blaspheme here, kids, but these days F1 is the best show on twisties. Festival of Overtaking which I celebrate here with a properly umlauted Räikkönen. And yet, IndyCar seems to think that Americans will flock — yes flock — to their TVs to watch the Drama of Fuel Saving that is a street race. I take what pleasures I can from them and move on — to Kansas. DEEP INHALE. ethanol exhaust and lethal speed. Pass the cocktails.
By P Daddy, April 23, 2009 @ 5:12 pm
even reading about street courses makes me…”zzzz”…tired…”zzzzz”, please…”zzz”…stop…”zzz”…”yes danica, yes”… Oh, sorry. Just dozed a moment, what were we talking about?
By GC, April 23, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
I’m not a huge fan of the street and road courses either…..but Long Beach seems to be a bit different and somewhat a necessity in INDY CAR. Lots of money there and through the entire weekend there were reports of attendance nearing 175,000 fans. That’s a lot of publicity through word of mouth. Yes the “racing” ( if thats what you call it) was a tad bit of a snoozer, but we can make it through a couple of weeks. How about trading St.Pete’s for Cleveland or Michigan ? Sunday is near and I feel the need for speed !!!
By IndyPhil, April 23, 2009 @ 6:10 pm
You are doing the Lord’s work here, Hobbson. Keep it up.
By ClarkA, April 24, 2009 @ 1:46 am
Mmm…not feeling it. You mean you actually prefer left turn snore-a-thons over street racing? Yowza! That’s the kind of thinking that has pretty much destroyed open wheel racing in North America. If you like NASCAR, there is always…NASCAR!?
By Squall, April 24, 2009 @ 4:17 am
They’d have to be drinking the fuel to get rid of a decently entertaining street course like St. Petersburg before axing tracks like Snornoma. And for the record, the grand ole’ Milwaukee Mile has had very deep difficulty passing any cars other than lap cars as well, and yet no one says much about that. As such, I proclaim the need to chop some of the lard off the cars, and make them lighter, at least on the twisties.
By dylan, April 24, 2009 @ 9:22 pm
I disagree, Street Course racing sucks,but, its a still equal to if not better than NASCAR. Did anyone watch Texas or fontana? The TV broadcasts are so much better on Vs, and if we are patient and Vs keeps gaining ground on ESPN, the IRL could make a major comeback as the economy turns down. Nword racing is dropping a good 10 precent in ratings each year since 06, so if we can pick up major steam, IRL can make up for the split.
By dylan, April 24, 2009 @ 9:25 pm
Also, the view that Americans won’t support road and street racing is sort of made up by NASCAR and, in the past, by Tony George, who’s obvouisly changed his tune. Nascar also claims to be the toughest racing around, and the best and most diverse in the world, so their view should be look on with a grain of salt. Has any Road Racing series ever been given a good chance?
By Roy Hobbson, April 24, 2009 @ 11:02 pm
Remember … I come before you all as the appointed reprensentative of the “Key Demographic” demographic. The demographic IndyCar NEEDS to sell itself to: the 18-to-35 year old sports-loving demographic who knows little about racing.
I’m looking at you, “ClarkA.”
By dylan, April 25, 2009 @ 8:37 am
Acually, I am One and a half years below the Key Demographic.
By Squall, April 25, 2009 @ 9:52 pm
At the now preeminent danger of sounding damnably serious…
Give fans like me (25) freakin’ BALANCE. Roads/streets that have no room to pass, and are not INSANELY difficult to even DRIVE AT ALL (Monaco) are boring. Cars that lack the horsepower to “get up” into the positions to force the passes are less interesting than those that do. Ovals with high bankings where everyone is always running side by side because it’s inevitable (“artificial”) and not because the cars/drivers are keeping it that close themselves (“organic”) are ALSO boring.
Make a pass something WORTH something, road/street or oval…and then give them LOTS of opportunities for it, if they’re good/brave enough.
By Jeff L., April 26, 2009 @ 10:24 am
I for one don’t mind street racing thanks to the new TV package the league negotiated. See, down here in sunny St. Thomas, a 32 year fan of IndyCar racing couldn’t tune into the action, or lack of it, even if it is how I spent every raceday for the last 32 years. Thanks IRL…you think of everything!
By Roy Hobbson, April 26, 2009 @ 12:24 pm
Poor Jeff doesn’t get VERSUS down there in the Islands. So instead of watching the races, he’ll have to go spear-fishing in a crystal-clear lagoon on an 82-degree cloudless day as throngs of naked supermodels lounge drunkenly in the pristine beaches behind him.