According to IndyCar Commercial Division President Terry Angstadt, the Pagoda’s Open Mic is “a safe gathering place for our MENSA-level fans who may or may not be high on paint-thinner. It’s a most bitchin’ place.”
Hear-hear, Terry. Well said.
And seeing as how we’ve got another four or five hours until the race begins, we might be a tad front-heavy on the irreverency. Which is fine. Let’s just keep it above board in there. No political flame wars … no overly serious racing analyses that would make even Dave Lewandowski seize with boredom … and no disparaging Björn Borg. Them’s the rules. Everything else is in-bounds.
I’m out for the day. Pressdog & Squall will be your co-MC’s, despite the fact that neither of them (1) are aware of this; or (2) have agreed to said duties. No matter. Heed their words, my friends, and go forth on your Open Mic journey. Essentially write tomorrow’s WTR Report for me. DO MY BIDDING, MINIONS!!!!
Commence paint-thinner huffing … NOW!!!!
By Carrie, April 19, 2009 @ 10:34 am
RHR asked Beccy to marry him. EJ starts 4th. 4th!!! And Seb & Webber got 1/2 in China. With no thanks to Michael Waltrip, this had been a fabulous weekend as a race fan for me.
An EJ or RHR win would make it even better.
By Sean, April 19, 2009 @ 11:02 am
Bjorn Borg is a saint, and will never be disparaged here. Not on my watch.
By pressdog, April 19, 2009 @ 1:15 pm
What am I, Hobson’s b**ch? No matter. Will Power on the pole. Opening a big can of Irony-branded Whoopass on everyone. I chortled and wiped manly tears. Quick, to Helio for his comments on Will Power winning the pole … Yeah, I’m in that kind of mood, kids. Sorry.
By P Daddy, April 19, 2009 @ 2:00 pm
Pressdog, yes you are Hobson’s bitch! And get used to it. Fuck Bjorn Borg, it’s all about Johnny Mc and forever should be. Do they rifle off a few AK-47 Rounds and have an LAPD copter flyover at the start of the LB race? I’ve got my 40 of St. Ides ready for today’s race, can’t wait to pour a little on the soil when Danica rear ends Marco on Lap #1. Also, got my fridge stocked with Cristal ready to pop open when EJ cracks the winner’s circle, that’s just how I roll. P Daddy out bitches!!!
By P Daddy, April 19, 2009 @ 4:49 pm
Be careful Mr Dixon when you go to sleep tonight, you messed with the wrong Venezuelan!
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Unbelievable…LIVE on IndyCar Race Control’s webcam, Iceman hipchecks/bitchslaps E.J. “The Madman” Viso OFF THE TRACK and INTO THE FRIGGIN’ AIR, at LONG BEACH of all places, and Mike King and the radio crew are “still trying to figure out” what happened, no less than five minutes later…
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 4:56 pm
Garage sale on used IndyCars in the hairpin…
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 5:25 pm
Lap 39, and yet another full course yellow by race control for a completely unwarranted situation, this time Carpenter into the tires in one, in a position that others could easily move around.
…and yet startlingly quick on getting said dumb yellow over with. Mr. Ashley Judd leads, Sparkle-Pony currently sparkling in second, then Willpower and The Acquitted, third and fourth.
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 5:46 pm
Lap 55 of 85, potentially the final stops going down; Judd holds the leads; Willpower back to second after forcing a pass after pitting; the Badass has passed Sparkle-Pony, moving into third, and dropping her to fourth.
And I begin to wonder if there’s much to open-mic on, for a street race…
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 6:14 pm
Blood at the Glen revisited! 75 of 85, and Briscoe backends Dixon, spinning and stalling him on the track. Karmic justice? Stay tuned.
By P Daddy, April 19, 2009 @ 6:30 pm
Hey Squall, great race! Thanks for watching with me, now put down the Fritos and get off my couch!!!
Side note, anyone know where I can get a website? Or, do any other IndyCar drivers partake in advertising? Danica is a media whore!!!
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 6:37 pm
Wrapup:
Franchitti torches the field, Power finishes second: Team Ganassi still cheesed off at Team Penske for the whole…yeah. Badass beats Pony for third; Marco does not get fifth despite nearly bludgeoning Wheldon’s car in the hairpin inside the last five laps. Wheldon calls the race on its extreme lack of passing after getting out of his car, calling it “Different”. Beyond that, not much more action visible at the end, down through the pack.
Let any post-race bitching now commence; this is Squall, signing off.
By Squall, April 19, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
Brief postscript.
Didn’t actually see Hobbson’s ban on actual race analysis until after the fact. For the record, I am incapable of doing so, if it means no references AT ALL to what’s actually going on in the event, else what the hell IS there to talk about, at a race like Long Beach??
By pressdog, April 19, 2009 @ 9:56 pm
What a thrilling race wherein the fastest cars won. Oh, wait, it was a “difficult-to-pass” street course (is that redundant) so it was who got the luckiest yellow. That’s entertainment. The over-under for ratings on this snoozer is hovering at .2.
By Roy Hobbson, April 19, 2009 @ 10:13 pm
According to early numbers from IndyCar.com, evlenty billion homes tuned in for the last half of the race. So I’ll see your 0.2 and raise you 3,677,093.
By Jamie, April 19, 2009 @ 11:15 pm
I have finally figured out why our previously always-angered Venezuelan friend has become so chill…
Are you ready?
It’s Izod.
Izod has given him “I fit in with rich society” clothes that, when put onto Viso’s body, release a toxin that changes Viso’s desire to guzzle gasoline to a need to sip scotch at a reasonable hour, or stop him from mercilessly beheading passers-by on sidewalks and instead giving him the urge to wave in a friendly fashion.
I, for one, am appauled at this change in behavior.
When I saw him get airborn, I expected him to throw that freshwater eel he conviently keeps in his cockpit right at Dixon’s helmet. But NO, we get a totally respectable interview instead. I mean seriously, I would have even been happy (and Roy, I believe you would have been happy as well) if, in a state of complete rage, Viso skinned Arute’s oddly large head & laughed at his pain…
It will happen someday, and we are all praying that that day comes soon… Indycar’s fate rests at Viso’s hands.
By Shannon, April 20, 2009 @ 1:39 pm
Can I add another Open Mic rule?? Please NO SPOILERS for the F1 race!!!
By Kyle D (no relation to Bobby D), April 20, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
Wait, if Viso is chilled out because of his Izod clothes and Danica has pledged to be a nice, happy person, where’s all the fun? What happened to the days where people would sneeze in the same room as Danica and send her storming around the room until Security Man Charlie sent her back to her corner? What have we done with the VisoBerry PowerJuice? How can I enjoy IndyCar when all of the ridiculous people are suddenly stricken boring?
…Oh yeah…Paul Tracy will be circling the Speedway this May. Maybe he’ll don Max Papis’ gecko suit and terrorize the masses in the Northeast Vista.
By Jamie, April 21, 2009 @ 5:28 pm
Kyle D, that would be quite entertaining. Yes, with PT back we should look foward to a bit of ruckus.
By Squall, April 23, 2009 @ 11:30 pm
I would call him U.S. Marine Charles, because that name would just bleed awesome.