You may have read the name “Dave Lewandowski”. He’s the IndyCar.com opposite of Bartleby the Scrivener, a scribe who literally hasn’t met a story he wouldn’t write about. Whenever the Powers That Be ask Dave if he wants to write about something so mind-numbingly unexciting as — oh, I don’t know – maybe a Scott Dixon postage stamp, I’m sure he simply answers, “I would prefer to.”

So it should come as no surprise that Dave recently jumped all over a story about Danica Patrick’s vanishing tattoo. You know, since this stuff is right up Dave’s alley. It is, however, simply astounding that a Google search of “Danica tattoo” yields over 60 stories appearing right now, including coverage from the Detroit Free Press, the Las Vegas Review, and CNBC. C-N-B-Effing-C, people!

So why would all of these otherwise reputable news sources be tripping over themselves to manufacture some kind of phony controversy? Is it because they’re shocked — SHOCKED! – to find that a woman displaying so much skin in a magazine was, in fact, airbrushed? Hardly.

This is about ink. Plain and simple. But not the kind that is used for tattoos. It isn’t even about the desecration of Old Glory by removing it from some girl’s back, so you can put down your Bill of Rights. Besides, Danica herself has said it’s actually an American/checkered flag hybrid with “some angel wings and some stars and stuff.” And by “stuff” she means “whatever serves as an homage to Dan Wheldon.”

As a side note, I’ve heard a certain driver also had another tattoo on her right calf that was also airbrushed from that SI photo shoot, but no journalist seems to have even attempted to confirm this.

Oh, you didn’t know Danica was a fan of bike-flying, kind-hearted aliens? I guess you never heard her numerous call-ins to “Coast to Coast with Art Bell”. Well, I’m not going to say any more about this other than conspiracies run deep and you should be down-on-you-knees thankful for Photoshop.

Anyhow, this entire media frenzy isn’t about tattoos or conspiracies or airbrushing – it’s about the power of the word “Danica”. The fact is, simply mentioning her name online will garner about a zillion hits for anyone, anywhere, at anytime. And if a place like CNBC is publishing stories on a non-story such as this, then you’re talking about a force nearly as powerful as Google itself.

Do me a favor – go down to some hip and happening place this weekend and shout “Hey, is that Danica!?!” and see how quickly the crowd leers to try and catch a glimpse. I tried this myself at a ”Pink Taco” over the NBA All-Star weekend in Phoenix, and Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend (the one who looks alarmingly like Steve Nash) nearly bowled me over trying to get closer to the hottest thing since the Rubik’s Cube.

It’s true. You can read all about in Dave Lewandowski’s next article.