So I know I’m really late to this idea of an IRL reality show. In fact, the Pagoda as a whole is late. Robin Miller has been talking about this for years. I can only assume that people have stopped listening to him.

Aside from (1) the announcement that Brian Stewart signed the “Yakov Smirnoff” of open wheel racing; and (2) the rumored possibility of Danica bolting for F1 in 2010 … nothing of note is happening in open wheel. As to the former, if we could somehow get Yakov to be involved with the IRL ala Gene Simmons, how great would that be? That guy is f-ing hilarious. You know, if you’re retarded. And as to the latter, if you think Danica would never work in F1 … you’re wrong. A league that boasts racing’s version of Frank Stalone, drivers with pluralized first names, and men named Kimi would kill for an attractive American female. A fledgling upstart American team in F1 would do something the world hasn’t seen since Slobodan Milosevic in order to steal her.

Therefore, due to the lack of anything else to write, I’ll weigh in on the reality show anyway.

On one hand, America loves shit television. A search for America’s top dog-groomer — “Groomer Has It” — made it to the airwaves. The real life version of Cowboy Wayne from “Saving Silverman” now has a show called “Exterminators,” and I just saw a preview for a show dedicated to jockeys. I’m even guilty of getting sucked into these abominations. In fact, I have a love affair with a TV show that follows America’s most mulleted bounty hunter.The proof? My multiple Da-Kine Bail Bond t-shirts and my never ending quest to rid the south and east sides of Indianapolis of Ice.  If Dog can be A&E’s top rated show after years of the same pony-tailed badasses chasing down Hawaii’s meth-heads, the overuse of “brah” & “how’s it,” and Dog’s real life racist tirade, certainly an IRL show would work, right? Most likely not.

I’m trying to think of interesting story lines, but I can’t. The early favorites: 

1. EJ Viso discovers he is related to Bill Braske after discovering they share a family crest (a crest that brandishes a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong).
2. AJ IV brings down the Colts from the inside just like he did with Lilly’s diabetes drugs, Vision Racing, and “That’s So Raygan.”
3. Will Power tries not to screw up the biggest undeserved promotion since Paul Tracy sat in Rick Mears‘s seat.
4. The tension builds between Ryan Briscoe and Nicole Manske as they plan their wedding, only to have the bride continually call him Dan. 
5. Dan Wheldon and Marco Andretti go shopping for man purses, thumb rings, oversized medallion necklaces, and hair product.
6. Danica Patrick incessantly berates and intimidates her husband, all the while strong-arming him into getting a matching tattoo on the small of his back.

Is this enough for a weekly show? Maybe. Just don’t expect to draw me away from Leland, Duane Lee, Baby Lisa & Gary Boy.